**Disclaimer: This is one dad’s experience with his son with autism. This blog is not indicative of everyone’s autism journey. We did think it was important to get a dad perspective.**

Our son was diagnosed with autism 13 years ago.  When we finally had a word to describe how he had been behaving, I felt a sense of closure, almost relief. We had an answer. I felt sad that this father and son image I had in my head would be a lot different.  Beyond that, I didn’t know what to expect.

Admittedly, I let my wife take the lead in all things autism. She seemed to feel the diagnosis coming. She hit the ground running with appointments, tests, and therapies, making me feel a little left behind. I felt a disconnect from her and my son in those months after the diagnosis. I was still processing what all of this meant, and she seemed to be on autopilot, checking tasks off of a to do list.

In those early days, I wish there would have been a more seasoned autism dad to show me the ropes. So much support is geared towards moms. I didn’t have any friends with special needs children. Back then, I felt the stares and heard the comments when we would take our son out in public. General awareness wasn’t what it is today, and I lacked the finesse my wife seemed to have in educating strangers. Our family and friends were supportive, as much as they could be, but I didn’t feel “safe” outside of our circle. Awareness and acceptance have come a really long way since then, and I feel outings are a lot easier now.

With our son well into his teenage years now, and little brother added in, I feel an overwhelming concern for his safety and wellbeing. Being a parent is 24/7, but with autism it feels more intense. I worry about his future. What will happen when we’re not around? It seems unfair to expect his little brother to take over for us. The “what if’s” are hard to think about.

I’ve obviously taken on more, as our son has gotten older. I work in the medical field, so I’m often busy at work, with a lot of overtime. With a lack of skilled in home care, my wife has shifted to mostly working from home. I wish I could do more for her. I feel like I’ve gotten better at reading my wife’s moods, so when she looks like she’s running low, I’m there. Autism parenting is a dance, and we’re always learning new moves, but we keep going.